Put a fashion editor next to an alien and chances are the fashion editor is the bigger alien to the average Joe. Weird outfits, snot-coloured dip-dyed hair, large-cranium-tiny-body proportions: fashion people are a baffling lot, particularly when they start speaking Fashionese - grammarians, welcome "isshoes", "Furkenstocks" and "Caradise" to the Oxford English Dictionary (maybe not) from this batch of spring/summer shows. Confused? All will be deciphered here…
Blasbergism #1
Isshoes: "Referring to one's difficult, often painful footwear. 'I've got major isshoes with these McQueen platforms.'" Tweeted by Derek Blasberg at Paris last week, dandy-about-town - and Fashionese's premier wordsmith (see below).
IN PICTURES: Models falling over on the catwalk
Blasbergism #2
Sandaloot: "The shoe of this season is a knee high boot on top and a strappy open-toed sandal on bottom." As seen at Alexander Wang, Marios Schwab and Ferragamo, and, hopefully, nowhere else next spring.
Alexander Wang spring/summer 2013
Blasbergism #3
Mugg: "A gentleman who wears comfortable yet unsightly oversized Ugg foot products. 'He was cute, but his shoes were muggly'." Synonym: Ronnie Wood.
Blasbergism #4
Carbocide : "The brutal murder of one's self esteem and/or slim physique due to the ingestion of carbs. SEE: French fries." An oldie but a goodie from Blasberg.
READ: A case of 'carbocide' at Paris Fashion Week
Furkenstocks: The mink-trimmed Birkenstocks at Céline's spring/summer 2013 show. Jesus shoes go posh.
Sponge Bob SquarePants: Sounds dead cute - until you realise it's a snarky put-down for someone without a waist. Still, it's better than Mr Blobby. The smiling assassin of insults - thanks for the tip-off, Vogue Australia.
Fantragic: Fantastic + tragic, meaning something so wrong, it's right - like those Furkenstocks, for example.
No Smoking Here: As in YSL's Le Smoking, as in Karl Lagerfeld's tongue-in-cheek riposte to Hedi Slimane's hyped-to-the-heavens debut at YSL, sorry , Saint Laurent. The Chanel designer and all-round shit stirrer apparently handed out an illustration of a woman in a tuxedo, fag in mouth, with a ominous red cross through her. Fashion's new feud? Unlikely. "We don't have to do Smoking. Hedi Slimane really does it well," Lagerfeld told WWD . "They were impeccable." Lagerfeld also famously slimmed down to wear one of Slimane's slim-cut Dior Homme suits.
Caradise: "Last day of 'Caradise'", tweeted photographer Matt Irwin today. He's referring to Cara Delevingne, aka the month's hardest working model, who walked for every big designer going. Cara, we are going to miss your hilarious facial expressions and mugging around backstage.
IN PICTURES: Britain's next top model Cara Delevingne stalks the spring/summer 2013 catwalks
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